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He was rescheduled to today... At exactly 6:30 am this morning, he left the philippines... I cried again after he called of course but after a while i fell asleep and then the day started... I keep telling myself to be busy but then he pops up in my mind.. The scene from last night when he brought me back home... He looked back and waved goodbye... I really cant cry freely in my house since i dont have a room of my own so i cried in the comfort room.. I know, its pathetic but then i dont want to show my mom how much im crying cause i know she'll be sad too... I was happy because he spent his last day here with me even though in my opinion, the day was way too fast.. We went to church, gone shopping for the things he needed even had a trip to the festival mall... But i feel like it wasnt enough.. No scratch that..it really wasnt enough.. We wouldve had more adventures together more fun moments, more things weve done together...But then time was against us... And i guess also circumstances... He told me not to cry and even my eyes wont let the tears stop... We'll see each other again someday... I know it... For now i guess i'll try concentrating on my studies and still be in touch with him whenever i can... Its gonna be hard... Really hard... But then we'll make it work and everythings gonna be fine again...

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The past

Its amazing how fast time goes by... I remember when i first stepped on the doors of our lady of fatima university and told myself that its going to be different from high school where i can have a fresh start... New friends, new experiences, new types of people... I wasnt wrong about that... I enjoyed the people here in this place where there are no judgements, no pretentions just you and your personality... Not that i didnt enjoy my high school life but i lived a pretty sheltered life there, not much adventures but i had fun friends, but then weve gone our separate ways, different courses and different careers... Its now exactly 5 years since i first stepped foot here in this university and i have 3 years more studying here... Someone might be counting already and yes... Someday ill say that i studied for 8 years... First for my premed course nursing then for my med proper... Its a really long time but im enjoying it so far...nursing was fun... Ive made friends... Loads of friends and a particular group of friends where we treat each other like sisters and brothers... Now i have new med friends and their also fun to be with... I never thought that i can have more friends than i can count but hey can i blame them if they like me? Hehehe someone once told me thay im ms. Niceness in the batch... Cant help but wonder if this is true though... Hehe

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I felt better yesterday.. coz we spent the whole day together.. he came with me to fix my papers in PRC, oh yeah did i mention passing the boards? yup i passed the boards and I'm happy about it... i got a score of 78.80 and its good.. its high enough.. anyways, back to my story yesterday.. I'm thinking i won't be forgetting about yesterday anytime soon, or maybe ever.. it was actually one of those times that we spend our whole day together doing the simplest things and still enjoyed each others company.. he finally told me that he was leaving.. after watching the first gross movie we watched.. we cried, i tried not to coz i know that he would cry too, then i couldn't hold it in any longer so i just let the tears fall.. we hugged each other for quite some time never wanting to let go.. i really wanted to tell him to stay for me, i wanted to tell him not to go, but i just can't, i can't let him sacrifice so much for me... i want him to be happy, to be with his family coz i know how much he misses them and its been so long since he was with them.. so what i can do, is hold on to him as long as i can, even when he's away.. 


could'nt sleep last night

 I didn't sleep well last night.. i don't know, maybe its because i cried ... i couldn't seem to control it whenever i think about him leaving for the states, and not coming back.. my tears just come rushing down and i can't contain it.. its weird, when you think your ready for something, when the time comes you realize that your not as ready as you think you are... when i think about what's gonna happen to us i tell myself that i'll leave everything to destiny, that maybe someday we'll see each other again, that we'll still have communication with each other, that we'll still be together despite the distance.. but the great question in my mind is... HOW?????


babble... about him leaving..

 Hey Journal, its been a long time.. i haven't really had anything to say except.. it had been great this past 7 months... why? because my love life finally happened.. and yes, it has been 7 months and counting.. i wrote to you because right now, im feeling really lousy because i thought i'm ready for him to leave, i know i've already told myself loads of times that he's gonna go this year, we're not gonna be seeing each other for a long time, and were not gonna be able to communicate all the time anymore. but its still SUCKS! i can't tell him to stay here with me because he's family is there and his future.. and i can't be selfish because i know that he has his whole life ahead of him there.. when our relationship started, i always knew that he was gonna go.. when he left before.. i cried for a week.. literally and then he came back after that week... that was the slowest week of my life.. look at me im babbling on and on about him already when i just wanna say what im feeling but i still cant express it properly... im crying but im happy for him, i wanna let him stay but i cant.. i told him that we're gonna try having a long distance relationship, but how would that ever work? i know we could try making it work and its worth the shot, but i know that im really gonna miss him so much.. i don't know what to think anymore and i don't know how things are gonna go when he's gone but i just wanna spend time with him when i can, and maybe just enjoy every minute, every second that were together.. and maybe i just have to face the fact that he's gonna go... worst part is, he's not gonna be here anymore when we have our 8th monthsary... sucks right? 


Aftermath of birthdays...

 today i woke up with a smile and ended it with one.. there is exactly 34 mins left till my birthday ends.. and i'm happy today.. even though i've had 3 exams, and the fact that i wanted to keep my birthday a secret because i didn't want to make a fuss about it.. it was still fun.. haha my professor even broad casted that its my birthday in class.. and someone dedicated a song for me.. thanks for that.. that was the first time someone did that for me and i was really touched.. thanks! that's probably one of those things i could never forget about my 20th birthday... one of my wishes came true though.. a wish i made in my heart, a wish that i never verbalized nor thought about.. and that was that my family would be complete on my birthday.. my brother came home today, even for just a small period of time... we enjoyed ourselves laughing and eating in the dining table like a happy family.. for now i feel complete... and fulfilled.. i've had one of my wishes came true.. now i just have to wait for the other ones.... wait and see!!! hehe to all those people who was a part of my 20th birthday.. thank you!


Birthdays Birthdays Birthdays! hehe

I am writing this blog with exactly 23 minutes left in the clock before my birthday.. and i really just wanna reminisce on my 19th year of life..

My 19th year wasn't that full of life changing events in my life but it was fun.. i am saying goodbye to my teen life and am gonna start with the suffix -ty plus something in my age.. hehe but for now i guess i'm gonna start with -ty.. i am going to say that my teen life wasn't all that bad.. no boys were involved but everything is worth it.. i know that i am going to go through my life after my teen life with a beautiful view of the world and a life full of laughter, trial and stuff like that... a lot of things also happened on my last teen year, but i gotta say... no regrets.. all the tears i cried, all the laughter i've laughed all the experiences i've had and all the people that became a part of my teen life were all worth it... i've laughed, i've cried i've laughed and cried kinda crazy i know.. haha but everything is really worth it.. after 15 mins. i'm gonna score again in the age game and i know that i'll be more matured and more broad minded over everything... people may come, people may go.. but i know that after all that crap.. i'll still be the one in control of my life.. so in my last teen day i'm gonna say... F***  to all those bitches who hated me... but i'm more beautiful than you... and F*** to all those guys who didn't see the potential in me because all of you will bow before me... hahahaha I LOVE YOU guys, to the people who was and still is a part of my life.. 

PS: so sorry i wrote all those bad words down but you get the point.. hahaha see yah in my 20th!


It is exactly a month now since the tragedy that shook the Philippines... a month ago, a typhoon that was only categorized as signal no. 1 became the downfall of a lot of Filipinos... lives were lost, houses were damaged to the point of destruction, cars were flooded and floating in the water and commuters were stranded in school, at work, in the streets and like me, in the mall... it was all so scary, frustrating and totally unbelievable... never have we expected this thing to actually happen... all the streets in manila is flooded, all the usually high places looked more like a sea of flood water rather than houses.. only the roofs were visible and people were stranded in their own roof.. everyone were hoping that someone would rescue them, but unfortunately, a lot of people were rescued 2 days after the tragedy called Ondoy, but the best part is, after the said incident, rich or poor, famous or not, the Filipinos survived and helped each other through the bad times, famous people were donating goods, big corporations were giving a lot for those who have lost their houses, their relatives and who have lost everything... volunteers were distributing relief goods for the victims of Ondoy and were donating their time and themselves to make sure that the deed of helping is done... 

me and my family too did not survive the rage of Ondoy, because our whole first floor were flooded even though we were not usually reached by the water where were from, that day and time, i came to school since i have classes during that time, after the first class, there was an announcement that classes were suspended... and this was how our school looked like from the outside...


what we did, we walked around the school to the back exit and since there was no flood there, we walked and was of course, stranded in the nearby grocery store near the school... after that me and 4 of my friends decided its high time to buy some slippers and get out of our wet stockings... good thing that the grocery store has slippers available and we were able to buy some... we walked till we arrived in the nearby mall... and my friends left me there and they went on to one of our friends' house in bulacan.. it was a long way from the mall to aileen's house so i told them to leave me at the mall instead and that i'll be fine since i expected the water to cease by nightfall.. i never worried, not until i talked to my mom and the water was already more than the first floor of our house.. and it was not going down... i started to feel panicked... until my aunt reminded me that we have cousins in that part of valenzuela so i called them... thanks to them, i had a nice place to stay the night... i talked to my mom a lot during that time and was constantly worried, but she assured me that they were fine.. but i think i did my part, by praying that the water would stop on its current level and start to go down... 

according to my mom, the water got down by 5 am in the morning, during that time, i was sleeping soundly at the house of my cousin... when i woke up, i ate, dressed (oh yeah, i bought new clothes since i was wearing my uniform when i got to the mall.. i got to shop for something stylish but cheap... way worth it.. hehe) , and then asked them if they could get me home by 11.. nice were my cousins that they gave me a ride and what shocked me was the view outside, there were cars all over the street... cars that stopped working a fast food chain was chaotic, a grocery store was in total destruction, and the streets to our house was full of mud... this was what our village looked like...


all the picture of what my house looked like after the flood is right in this link...


almost all of our things were saved, especially the expensive ones, but a lot of our things also got wet in the flood.. we're still currently struggling with what happened.. its been a month but it feels like it has only been a week since the tragedy... the whole first floor have to be renovated and repainted... and of course, we still have to keep all of our things upstairs so there would be no hindrances in repainting the first floor... 

one thing we learned in this experience, is to be content with what we currently have and to value everything we have.. my mom said that we shouldn't buy anything too luxurious especially if it's just going to be soaked in flood water, like what happened to my brother's psp and ipod... its a very good thing he saved his nintendo wii and ps3.. or we won't really have anything to entertain our cousins with... and my brother would totally cry if he lost those things of his... i'm just thankful were safe and we survived this.. and all we can do now, is to hope that this thing with the typhoon doesn't happen ever again... 

mixed feelings....

 Damn i wish i was home right now... i am currently stranded here in a mall near our house and i can't get out of here because its raining hard outside,,,,, i wish i could go home, i wish i could be with my mom right now and i wish that i'm not so afraid... i'm crying here cause for the first time of my life i really feel helpless and alone.. i don't want to feel like this.. my mom is devastated and i don't know whats happening at home... our house is in chaos and i'm worried about them, especially my little sister.. my mom says its like a dream and she feels like its all a dream but its not.. its all really happening.. the whole city is flooded and everywhere you turn you see people stranded... the city is closed and it looks like a dead city... maybe someday i'll look back in this experience and say that i had one hell of an adventure and i won't remember how i felt helpless and afraid... i'll even laugh about this someday... someday, but not today.. today my minds all mixed up... my emotions are in shambles and i really feel like i'm gonna get sick since i got caught in a rain a while ago... i hate this, i hate the rain, i hate the flood and i hate that i'm not with my family...

blogging in the classroom...

 blog time! yeah! I'm really really bored right now coz my professor isn't showing his face today.. although i'm quite positive he's there, i think he just got lazy and didn't go to our class right now.. but then again, he just had to discuss a single topic today and he's not here.. well anyway, we are saved from our presentation today.. woohoo which is a good thing.. because we are not ready.. haha ok, my blog does not have anything to sAY IN it but i'm still going to save it because i haven't updated this thing for days...

maybe i'll blog later again... see yah!



jaz, jazlene, me

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November 2010